if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
NoShamevember. You game?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
