No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
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No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
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Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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