I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize