Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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