he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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