I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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