Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
