There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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