They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
