going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
