I'm jealous of your bromance
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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