youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize