Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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