Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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