Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
