Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
