so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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