Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
