the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
