That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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