I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
