He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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