..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize