It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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