Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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