At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
