he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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