One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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