Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
