Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
