Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
