Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
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And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
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besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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