How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
