I'd wear matching sweaters with you
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize