What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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