A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize