I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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