Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
