I need help removing her.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
