hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
