So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
