i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
where am i from again
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
