every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
