and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
