i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
