I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
