mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
