Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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