I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
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hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
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I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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