When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
