i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just invented taco cereal.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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