If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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