One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He passed out mid-signature
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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