..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
