Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
