Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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